A Tale of Six Spouses

Throughout the Bible God calls Himself our husband.   Did you know that?   It's true.   If you're with God, you're not single anymore.   Not spiritually, anyway.   He calls the nation of Israel His bride, and He also calls us spiritual Israel if we accept Jesus.   That makes us brides.   This is an image of great intimacy, which shows us how close God wants to be with us.

Now, I have met a lot of people, and I suspect there are a lot of pictures people have about what our relationship to God should be.   I can see it on their faces when I sing.   And I think we also know there are a lot of pictures people have of the kind of spouses they should be at home.   So I thought I would paint a few pictures here to let you examine what kind of spouse you are to God and what kind of spouse you are to your spouse.   Ask yourself three questions: one, would you want to be married to this spouse, two, how does God feel being married to this kind of spouse, and three, does one of these represent you?   Of course, there could be more profiles than the ones I'm writing about, and there's no guarantee that someone is the same to their spouse and to God.   However, despite my imperfect descriptions, pray and listen for what God would like you to see here, if anything.

The grumpy spouse .   This is the spouse who made a decision to get married.   Maybe because it was the “right thing to do” or “it's what we do in my family.”   Clearly this spouse is not happy being married.   You can see it in the sour expression on the face and the arms crossed in an impatient and defensive way.   The truth is that this spouse would rather not be in the marriage at all, but stays around for one reason or another.   This kind of spouse is constantly showing his* spouse that he* doesn't approve or enjoy being in the marriage.   But, hey, he's committed…at least as far as not leaving.   You can see the spiritual version of the grumpy spouse at church, too.   Being there appears painful to him*, and yet he's* always there.   I wonder how that makes his* wife feel. I wonder how it makes visitors to the church feel.   I wonder how it makes God feel.  

*I'll say “his”   and “he” for the sake of good English, but it could also be “her” and “she.”

The wandering-eye spouse .   This spouse loves his* wife*, and likes being married.   But his* eyes don't stay where they belong.   There's always something to attract his* attention.   Physically it could be other women*, but it could also be something that gets more attention, more time, and more concern.   Spiritually, he* likes being on God's team, but doesn't give much time to God.   There's always something else that takes more time and attention.   Maybe it's a hobby like golf or poker or whatever, maybe it's a sports team or game to watch, maybe it's television (listen up, Americans!), maybe it's shopping, maybe it's collecting things.   Maybe it's even something he* knows is harmful, like drinking or pornography, but he's just not willing to give it up.   After all, he* works hard, he doesn't beat his* wife, etc.   He* doesn't totally ignore his* spouse, but doesn't give the devotion that will help the relationship grow.   He* doesn't totally ignore God, either, but his* devotion is to other things.

The once-and-done spouse .   This is a spouse who fell in love, and who did happily get married.   But once the wedding was over, it's like it never happened.   This spouse became married, but promptly went back to life as it was before.   There's very little interaction with his* spouse, and being married doesn't affect his* thoughts or feelings much anymore.   He* doesn't run around with other women* but it's as if his relational needs were met once and for all back when he got married.   Those days of romance are gone.   They were nice, they're just over.   He* has closed that chapter.   But ask him* and he'll* tell you, yes, he's* definitely married.   Or a Christian.   He* might tell you, “I told her I loved her on our wedding day!   Isn't that enough?”   Spiritually speaking, this person found God once, and meant it, but since then hasn't allowed God into his* life.   It's as if God is a concept you agree with once and you're “in.”   This person fails to understand that marriage to a human spouse and to God is an ongoing, unfolding relationship, not a once-and-done experience.

The lackadaisical spouse .   Here's a spouse who loves his* wife, but doesn't translate that into much action.   The love is not apparent to his* wife* or anyone else.   He* almost never takes out the garbage, almost never helps with the kids, almost never asks how her* day is going, and almost never shares his* own heart with her*.   He* is a roommate at best.   His* conversation with others never touches on his* wife*.   In fact, his* friends wouldn't even know he* is married, except for the wedding ring.   He* might say, “Yeah, I'm married.   So what?”   This spouse might approach his* wife* when he* wants his* needs met, and can't understand why he* wouldn't get the response he* wants.   And then he* shrugs it off and goes about life as normal.   The lackadaisical follower of God likewise loves God, but doesn't let it bother him* too much.   There's rarely any act of service, and conversation almost never rolls around to the reality of God in His* life.   This is a selfish mindset, and I bet we all visit here once in a while.   But we need to make sure we repent and don't start living here, or if we are that we move immediately!

The abusive spouse .   Some people feel they need control of their environment.   Maybe it's because they themselves were abused, or because they lack confidence in themselves.   Of course, you may have discovered the secret of true peace comes not from putting confidence in yourself and your own abilities, but by relying on God to use you and your abilities (that He gave you in the first place) as He sees is best.   Lacking this confidence leads to frustration that may come out in angry outbursts.   It will certainly happen at home, but could happen on the road, in a church board meeting over the plans for the new parking lot, in line at the grocery store if the person in front of him has 17 items instead of 15…you never know.   This person feels entitled to yell, scream, hit, whatever gets his* point across.   He* forgets that Jesus said that what you do to His children you are actually doing to Him.   He* also forgets that his* wife* is one of God's children, making Him not only his* Father, but also his* Father-in-law.   Father-in-laws don't like it when you're bad to their daughters!   Or sons, for that matter!

The truly happily married spouse .   It is possible.   You may see it once in a while.   A couple out to dinner, talking, laughing, delighting in each other's presence.   I don't want to paint myself as a relationship expert, because I'm working on mine like everyone else.   But I know the difference when I see it, and so do you.   It takes sacrifice, it takes undying commitment, and it takes love.   It takes caring for someone from their perspective, not our own.   It takes doing things for someone, even when it doesn't always make perfect sense to us that they need it a certain way.   But that look on the couple's faces when you see them in the restaurant…isn't it worth the price?   The truth it, God delights in us that way right now.   But are we doing what is necessary to grow our delight in Him?   Is there any price too high to enjoy close fellowship with our Creator?   Is there any price too high to enjoy that with our earthly spouses?   Can we learn to do our best to be the best spouse we can, without worrying “what about her?*”   When it comes right down to it, the only thing I can control, when I'm willing to, is myself.   “What about her?*” isn't really relevant.   My best isn't dependent on her* behavior, it's just about mine.   And, did Jesus agree to come for us only when our attitude was right, when we did the right thing, when we said the right thing, when we thought the right thing?   Not at all.   The Bible says that “while we were yet sinners” He came to die for us.   And He went through with it, even when He saw how awful we can be.   Truth is, He knew it all the time.   So, am I willing to get over myself enough to do what it takes to get to know Him better?   And am I willing to do what it takes to get to know my wife as completely as I can?   Those choices are up to me.   Those choices are up to you, too.

New schedule updates! Click here.

Check out free sample tracks from Derek's recordings, and order online!